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To paint onions red and sell them as apples is a better example of a facade. (That was from Jaws) Author thegrumpyyoungmanblog Posted on AugAugCategories Life Tags bonnie raitt, boobs, dinosaurs, hanson, memories, nintendo Leave a comment on Funny What a Young Man Recollects Nonsensical Drivel About Onions “Here’s to swimmin’ with bow-legged women” You might be surprised what you find in there. **Advice: Stop thinking about sex every six seconds and explore the deep dark crevices of your hippocampus. That I once started a band called Huey Lewis & the News but later found out that name was already taken. That I used to pretend I was dating Chun Li from Street Fighter II. That I ended up having to murder every imaginary friend I ever had. That I once painted a pet rock for a school project and named him Horny. That I saw Blue Brothers 2000 in theaters but I’ve never seen The Blues Brothers. That I once tried to self-impose the nickname “Chili Dog” upon myself.
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That I used to tell people I played in a professional baseball league for first-graders. That I used to tell people I played in a professional football league for first-graders. That for dinner once I ate an entire jar of green olives and drank the juice. That I used to think I could grow dinosaurs by planting egg shells and various other organic materials in the yard.
That I once proclaimed “Mest is awesome!” That the M*A*S*H theme song used to make me feel depressed.
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That I once kissed a TV on the 8-bit cleavage of a cheerleader from Arch Rivals. That I used to fantasize about being the fourth Hanson brother. That the first boobs I ever saw were in Porky’s II: The Next Day. That I used to play alone with a bean bag and pretend I was both Jake and the Fatman. That I once traded my Nirvana “Unplugged in New York” CD for a Boyz II Men “II” CD. That I used to have a recurring dream about a snowman that puked friends and fire. That I briefly collected and admired various fishing lures. That I once claimed to have shot a three-point doe. That I used to wear a Bonnie Raitt t-shirt completely non-ironically. Firing squads use this concept so that no one has to believe that they shot and killed a man, even if he was a pederast. That way I can deny that any of them are real. I choose not to discern which are real and which are apocryphal. Some of these things are real and some are not. Things that would be otherwise forgotten if I didn’t think about them. Things too small to be valued or perceived. Bek David Campbell thinks he’s in love but it makes him kind of nervous to say so. Benjamin Scott Folds thought about the Army. I would have quoted Jaws if the situation called for it but it didn’t.